How to Write and Comeback from a Breakup in a Relationship?

You’re in a relationship and your significant other has left you. Man or woman, the breakup is not easy on you. You don’t feel happy and are down in the dumps. How do you build your confidence up especially when you feel like a failure that it didn’t succeed. Also, if you were living with the other person, then you may be thinking of looking for another home or an apartment. However, most importantly you can’t concentrate on your writing. So how can you get your confidence in writing again?

First, you are going to have to take time to heal with the ending of the relationship. Getting out of the relationship is not easy. There is always damage whether it is your mental state or your physical state. Your body and mind need healing. You don’t recover right away especially when you are angry or feeling down at the time, it is not the best time to write because you may say the wrong thing and may get yourself in more hot water as it is. Sometimes it is best to journal if you are coming out of a relationship. 

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Journaling could be useful in a time like this. Sometimes you may do a blog out of anger and it may backfire and you will be in more heat then before. The world doesn’t need to know you are in pain. You may think it is good, but some things are best not said especially if you may be out to hurt the other person. However, this would be a good time to channel it constructively, maybe in the story you are writing. As long as you change the names, location, and profession, you may be able to write about a person like that. It is just that you don’t want to use real names or identifying characteristics. This may hurt their identity or get you into hot water. 

Also, you may need to have some activity to keep you busy during this time of stress. You may have more time on your hands than anticipated. And you may have loneliness settle in. Do something to pick yourself up and watch comedies. This will help you to feel better or if you want to stay in the mood, then write yourself out of it to build up your confidence. 

There is no easy way to recover out of a relationship, the damage will have been done. So it is best to recover and start turning your focus into writing again. Build your confidence up little by little. Maybe you can’t concentrate in the beginning and you are angry. Instead of blogging it and airing it out to the world, write it in a journal and get it out. 

I should have taken this advice as a writer years ago when I was going through my fallout from a relationship. I aired my dirty laundry for everyone to see and damaged my reputation. Doing that and especially when it is in public, it hurts. So use common sense and don’t act out, act rationally when you are coming out of a relationship. Journal and then come up with a creative story. And if you are blogging, then blog while consciously thinking of what you are writing about and not just a reaction coming out of your relationship. 

And if you are getting out of a relationship and you have no one, it will get better. Maybe it is a good time to reevaluate many things such as what you want to do with your life, or maybe it can be a lesser “grand epiphany” such as dusting that old story off that has been sitting on the shelf and needs to be brought back to life again. So it can be a blessing in disguise. Don’t get hung up on him or her. Write that next project and see where it will take you. You will be surprised on the journey your writing will take you on.

Finding the Time to Write in a Tough Relationship

Relationships aren’t perfect. There is not one day in a relationship where you can say that I just want to go to a Starbucks or a coffee shop and write. If you’re in a relationship and you are a writer, you want that alone time to write, and go somewhere where you can concentrate. It doesn’t work that way. You will have your significant other complain, saying he/she wants to go out with you. Sometimes it’s because they don’t trust you and want to keep an eye on you. Being the attentive partner you are, you give in and next thing you know you’re waiting in line one hour getting his or her lattes. Half of the time the drink isn’t right and you will have to spend another hour trying to fix it. Finally, you sit down fuming. Do you have the concentration to write?  Meanwhile your loving partner is saying underneath his/her breath, “Sucker.” They just spent one hour of their time working on what they wanted to do while you were the idiot getting the drinks for the hour or more. Now let me ask you when you are fuming where does this give you time to work and write. 

Photo by Justin Follis on Unsplash

Whether you are a man or a woman and you want to write and you are meeting with your significant other you think in your mind, you don’t want to hang out with your bae; you want to write, but they insist on coming out anyway. And all they do is talk all the time. You get annoyed so you send them for runs to get drinks as often as you can, but you can’t concentrate anyway. You are annoyed that this person whom embodies all your love and inspiration just talks all the time, and you aren’t getting any work done. With these problems, how do people in a relationship write? How do you set boundaries?

Now you are a writer trying to get a project finished, how do you concentrate in that relationship situation? I’m not even going to mention if you have a job and you are raising kids in a relationship.  Where does that time go to write?

I once read somewhere that you can spend one hour writing a day. Rather it is thirty minutes on your lunch break and thirty minutes in the morning. You can find time to write to be fulfilled. Maybe spending time with your significant other should be a time to spend with your significant other to do fun stuff rather than work on writing. Maybe you can read in that time you are out. As for the guy or a girl, if you know that you can’t concentrate out, don’t attempt to put pressure on yourself and write. Writing should be when you enjoy the process, it shouldn’t be where you are rushed with your time. 

Maybe a strategy should be changed, maybe you can stay home and write. Maybe you can’t concentrate, but if you set boundaries and say this is my time I need to write. Maybe you need to write earlier as I said or somewhere private in the house and even the kitchen is a good place, it has coffee there. Any time you can get to write would be good. And it is best to do this without your significant other being there, and if she or he is there, then you can plan for what you want to work on. Just prepare that you may not accomplish everything that you want to accomplish. 

Relationships can be a struggle, but not writing when you are a writer, it can be more of a struggle. And if you can add the two together, it can be stressful. So it takes strategy and planning and coming up with goals in order to write. And most important setting a strategy where you can write, maybe finding a space in your home or maybe writing early in the day or on lunch. And it can be easy without having a laptop on you, maybe you have a smart phone and you have an app where you can write. And maybe it takes twenty minutes in The Thinking Room to write, and maybe sitting on the Porcelain Throne can help you to write that masterpiece that you wanted. Just be prepared for your significant other to be worried what is taking you so long. Also, at least an hour a day of writing can help to get you into a routine. These are some loopholes you can use to help you write in a relationship while you are struggling. If you are a guy my advice is not to send her on line for an hour to get your drink to write, chances are you will get the drink, but you will have more time to write after because she may leave you afterwards. So be smart and use the techniques wisely. Just stay focused and don’t get discouraged, you will be able to write when you are in a relationship.