Whether it comes in an instant or over a series of lingering glances that distort themselves into an inevitable confrontation, the loss of a lover, a spouse, a domestic partner, a fiance(e), a friend who is more than a friend, among other similar relations, is a heavy and altering end to bear. Drowning in what ifs and the signs that have seemed either so clear or out of nowhere, to go on from the separation seems almost impossible.
Where can one start?
How can one even think of starting again?
When they have been left with only half of what they have been given.
Are these thoughts just meant to be for the mind alone or can they be turned into actions?
It is possible to get past the loss of a lover, by learning how to love yourself and practice healthy ways of going forward. How to go about self-love and mending yourself from such a deep separation will be further explained down below.
For The Break
A relationship is meant to be strong and meant to last, so how can it falter and shatter? The reasons behind the separation of lovers can be abundant, the most common being cheating or abuse. Two reasons that are less acknowledged but just as relevant in this division are poor communication and a difference in priorities.
Relationships should consist of compromising and of people being able to speak and be listened to, not just heard. Poor communication leads to confusion and a lack of compromise. If either does not know what the other wants, the relationship is bound to fail.
People in relationships should also have similar priorities. If one person wants children and the other does not. The relationship is bound to fail if one does not change their view since compatibility and potential are lost.
These reasons, among many others, can break even the most secure of bonds.
In The Remains
It is only left in the aftermath, left in the remains of what you have left- yourself- that you can begin to heal.
Self-love does not come easy but it is the highest love. Keeping yourself clean, treating yourself to dinner or a night out, and taking some time to focus on yourself, are some great places to start with a love that many often ignore. This will not only give you more confidence in yourself but give you reasons to appreciate every day at present and all to come.
Surrounding yourself with people who love you and taking comfort in them is another thing you can do to mend. Having a support system and people to rely on, will make you able to see the good and worth in yourself.
The loss of a lover is devastating but it is possible to go on as long as you prioritize yourself. The reasons can be abundant but should not consume you in the aftermath. Self-love and support are keys to going on.