How to Write After Facing Rejection from a Publishing Company

Writers can face many rejections through their careers, such as rejection from a publishing company, a book not selling as well as an author thought it would, or even disapproval from friends and family. Sometimes writers may get discouraged from these rejections, but none of these should stir that writer away from writing what they have to write. It’s fine to get discouraged, but perseverance is key. But how does a writer do that when they’re told by a publishing company, “We just didn’t connect with the material?” Let me break that down for you.

J.K. Rowling is by far one of the most prolific writers who ever lived. Harry Potter is beloved by millions and has garnered billions of dollars in revenue not only for her, but for her publisher as well. However, Rowling was rejected 12 times before she finally found a publisher who would take a chance on her, an unpublished author at the time. And even though she was broke, that didn’t stop her. She had the passion to continue her project that they thought was nothing more than a joke. The publishers didn’t think that a young boy with a wand and a fat man with long hair and a beard could succeed in a book. And with her endless perseverance, all it took was one yes. Afterwards, Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling became household names. She faced the pain and didn’t let it stop her, just as your pain and failures shouldn’t stop you.

Publishing companies are shrewd. There are only so many books that they can accept, and that number is no where near the amount of submissions they receive. That shouldn’t discourage you as there are alternative routes that writers can take, such as self-publishing. Maybe this route won’t give you the millions you dream of making, but if it gets your work of art in front of a reader, it is a success. I have been an Independent writer for most of my writing career, and I have faced criticism from those who have read my books. That it is a part of writing. I heard somewhere before, whether they criticize you or compliment you, you are doing something right. It means they are giving your work attention. 

The most important thing is to not let rejection stop you. Write anyway. Use the frustration and let it fuel your writing. Instead of feeling down and depressed that your work hasn’t been accepted, keep writing anyway. All it takes is one ‘yes.’ And if not, self-publish. For more tips on writing, check out my audiobook, Your Writing: Tips on Making Your Amazon Kindle Book Great, narrated by Chiquito Joaquim Crasto.  It is a short audiobook on the process of making a Kindle book, which is a good start in writing an independent book.

Don’t get discouraged by a publishing rejection; writers have many options besides big publishers. And remember that the most successful writers never walked away from their passion, no matter how hard life got for them.

Exploring the Types of Fiction

When writing any type of fiction, there are no boundaries as to where you are allowed to go with your story. There are rules, but some of us don’t follow according to plan. For those who write fiction, we tend to follow an unwritten rule which makes us ask ourselves, “Can this really happen?” Sometimes it can and sometimes it can’t. Today, I want to touch on using what’s possible and what’s not possible (how to make this work) in the world of writing.

In most fiction stories, we use the genre “realistic fiction” which means we follow a template that includes guidelines for writing a coherent story. One key factor in this type of fiction is the element of chance. To break that down, I mean that if there is a realistic chance that something could happen, then you could definitely use it in your story. It just has to tie into your plot and storyline and make actual sense when read. If it can happen realistically, then you can write about it.

The other side of the story comes to light when we talk about fantasy or sci-fi. With sci-fi, maybe you could introduce a character and his weapon as something that has not yet been manufactured in real life. A friend of mine, who is a regular in my writing group, uses the fantasy genre to build new worlds for his characters. Futuristic technology is afoot in his tales of bringing down mechanical demons and other enemies from other worlds outside of the ones he is trying to create. He does a great job of drawing the reader into said worlds and keeping them on the edge of their seats when going in depth with his action sequences.

World building like his has no rules or boundaries. This type of writing lets us create from the deepest, most dormant regions of our psyche that we usually don’t put on display under normal circumstances. Meaning, we don’t spend our days talking about how we created a seven-headed dragon and then proceed to talk about how we killed it. This avenue lets us express our fantasies to the extent that we want to believe that maybe a giant scorpion does really exist on Earth. Maybe you could find it existing in a game of Dungeons & Dragons.

Either path you choose, using your keyboard to create these worlds or trying to stick to the element of chance, your thought process can manufacture anything your heart desires, whether it be real or unreal. Movies such as Commando or First Blood take realistic fiction to another level where you can actually conceive that Arnold really killed 100 men all by himself and Stallone really knows how to survive under the direst of situations. Let your muse take you where you want to go. There really are no boundaries as to what you can create. After all, these factors can tie into your passion to explore parts of your mind which you have yet to discover!

How to Get Comfortable Writing in an Uncomfortable Place

You have only a short time to write. You’re far from home so you can’t go to your usual Starbucks. And unfortunately, you have to write today, because the rest of your week is taken up by family plans, work-related things, and a doctors appointment. There’s a coffee shop around the corner that you’ve never been to before. You feel a flash of anxiety at the thought of writing in a new place. How do you calm yourself down to write when, by the time you get settled in, it will be time to go?

Something I’ve learned in the past few years is how to overcome negative feelings and writing when it was uncomfortable to write. Sometimes dealing with the crowd and the noise of a new place can distract you from your goal. So, how do you settle down to write with all these anxieties?

Breathing Exercises

When you feel anxious, trying focus on your breathing. Certain breathing exercises can help center yourself and help you not to feel as anxious. That feeling of centeredness can help you to focus your emotions, and as a result, your writing. 

Listen to Relaxing Music

They say music soothes the savage beast, and often listening to music can help your writing mood. As a bonus, it can also spark the muse and improve your writing. Some relaxing music can settle your mind, allowing you to block out the distractions around you, and let you concentrate on your writing.

Don’t Force Yourself

In other words, relax. Sometimes this is easier said than done, especially in a particularly strong bout of anxiety. But when we relax, our flow state comes much more naturally, and the stress just melts away.

If you’re unable to relax, then maybe it’s just your body telling you it doesn’t want to write right now. Maybe now is a good time to journal. Use that chance to get your emotions out onto paper instead of letting them eat away in your head. Who knows, maybe it will create a brainstorm for your next project.

When you are stressed out in an uncomfortable place you may not write well.  That’s no reason to panic! If you get stressed, try talking it out.  There are plenty of people in your life you can open up to about your problems; even some of the folks at Joe’s Writers’ Club would be happy to lend an ear.  Come check it out! We share some information that may help you feel relaxed and overcome your writing fears. It is up to you to do it and follow through. Joe’s Writers’ Club has been very supportive of my writing and has helped me gain my confidence. They will be supportive of your endeavors, too.

Bottom line, writing is not supposed to be stressful. However, sometimes it can be. So the best thing to do is take it easy and relax. Using some of these skills will help you ease into writing. 

How to Write When You Have Anxiety

What happens if you offend your boss or your company? How about if you offend your significant other, your family, or your friends in your writing? What if there was a backlash involved? You may start to develop anxiety and have a grave fear over your next post. You may wonder if you are going to write again because of that fear, especially if that blog post is on Twitter or Facebook. In drastic instances, you may even end up getting fired. Many famous people lost their celebrity endorsements because they said the wrong thing or went hysterical and offended someone. But then the anxiety settles in and there is fear. How do you recover from anxiety and fear over writing again?

When you have anxiety and fear about your next writing project, there are several steps you can take in overcoming it. First, if the anxiety is severe enough, seek professional help, such as a therapist. They can help you overcome your anxieties.

You can also seek out a life coach to help overcome anxiety. One example of a life coach is Anthony Robbins. Coaches help you to overcome that fear by helping you to embrace the challenges you may face with writing. Maybe you can’t overcome it right away, but you will be able to deal with it. 

If a professional life coach is not a viable option, you can always try motivational tapes, like the Anthony Robbins Personal Power Series. It came out in the 1980s, and many people have been helped by the series. It talks about Neuro-Linguistic Programming and how people get programmed. These same people have had bad experiences so they stick to comfortable experiences as a way to avoid anxiety. This program is helpful because it allows users to identify that programming and change. These programs take time, but the techniques have been effective. 

Also, a few books that are helpful are The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life and Everything Is F*cked by Mark Manson and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. These books have proven helpful to me. They broke down the worries and helped me to get out of my own way. They also help readers to gain the courage to act. In one of Manson’s stories from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*cK, he wrote about Charles Bukowski and his fight to write. Bukowski spent many days on the streets homeless and drunk because he sacrificed to keep writing and working on books that were not very successful. But he didn’t care about his financial security; he would rather do something he loved such as write rather than work at the post office where he was miserable everyday. Eventually, his hard work paid off. Like he stated in his poem, “If you are going to go all the way, go all the way.” Charles Bukowski went all the way. 

Sometimes you have to face your fears of rejection, humiliation, and anxiety to be able to write again. Fear will keep you down, and it will act like poison to the writer which is why it is good to use some of these techniques to get your writing back again. There are many other books besides the one I listed about that might help you face those fears.

Anxiety can be a troubling thing to many writers, but don’t lose hope. There is always help. You can be encouraged to do what you love again. Many writers or authors have had fears or anxieties of publishing and many have fears of even writing that prevent them from doing so. Some say, “I will write,” but fear the process and fear the rejection. Writers need the ability to face rejection. Some projects will fail; that is a part of life. But it takes a strong person to gain courage again for the next story. 

A little story of mine is that when I made some unfavorable, hysterical blog posts that got me in trouble. I faced the ridicule from friends and family that followed. Most of that stuff I could have left in a personal journal just for me. As a result, I started to develop a fear of posting my writing to the public. It was a trying time for me as a writer. But through encouragement and good support, I gained the courage to publish my work again. Facing anxieties and fears as a writer is not easy, but gaining the courage and posting to write is worth it. Think of all the lives that will be touched with your testimony when making a comeback to writing. Also, it is something that you can be proud of when you do start writing again.

6 Tips to Break Through Writer’s Block

There are very few things as debilitating to a writer as writer’s block. Often, just the thought of those two words is enough to send a shiver down one’s spine. Sometimes, writer’s block is a temporary ailment and can simply be waited out. Other times, though, the answer is not so simple, and trying to wait out a persistent case of writer’s block can lead to days, weeks, or even months of lost productivity.

With that in mind, here are five ways that an afflicted writer can help battle writer’s block.

1) Free Writing Exercises

Sometimes the hardest thing to do as a writer is start. Everyone knows that moment when you sit down at your computer, open up your work in progress, hover your fingers over the home keys and just…nothing. No words come to your brain. It’s frightening, and it can also lead to all kinds of self-esteem issues (“I’m not a real writer!” “I can’t do this!” “I’m nothing but a fraud!”).

But every writer has experienced this, even those “real” writers. (By the way, if you writer, you’re a real writer. That’s just the truth.)

When this happens, all you have to do is break through that dam. Open up an empty document, or flip to a blank page in your notebook, and begin writing whatever comes to your mind. Don’t focus on any one thing, least of all your work in progress, but just start writing. Make like Ron Swanson and write every word you know.

Even if you start off writing “I don’t know what to write,” your brain will automatically make connections to other trains of thought. Then write those down. Do this for about five minutes, until you have a full page, or until you feel motivated to continue your WIP. Free writing can work wonders on a blocked writer.

2) Clear Your Mind

Writer’s block can be a side effect of overwork. And just like with any other type of work, you need to rest. Writers tend to not put in forty hours each week and clock out like many other jobs, and probably most writers have a full-time job on top of their writing. So, writers are often burning the candle at both ends and still beating themselves up when they can’t be productive.

Take a step back to refill your creative energy. Go for a walk. Take a nap. Watch a couple of episodes of your favorite television show. According to Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, a visiting scholar at Stanford University, from his book Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less, when we focus less on immediate tasks, we allow our subconscious minds to keep working on problems. In his words:

The experience of having the mind slightly relaxed allows it to explore different combinations of ideas, to test out different solutions. And then once it has arrived at one that looks promising, that is what pops into your head as an Aha! moment. The people I looked at are able to construct daily schedules that allow them to draw on that process in little increments.

So the next time you find yourself at your computer struggling for the words, take a deep breath and walk away. Do something else for a while. Something you enjoy doing. And importantly, something that doesn’t require a lot of focus. It could help you find that “AHA!” moment.

3) Write Something Else

Perhaps it’s not the writing itself that’s the problem, but the current scene in your WIP instead. Maybe you’ve set something up, but aren’t sure how to pay it off, and because of that, the words aren’t flowing properly. If so, move on to something else. Work on a scene later in the book/screenplay/whatever or start a different project altogether. If you’re anything like me, you have at least six other ideas that you’re super excited about but don’t want to start until you “finish the one I’m working on.” Instead of continually putting it off, jump into it while your subconscious mind mulls over your issues in the current WIP.

Caveat: You may be tempted to go back and start editing your work in progress instead of writing a different scene, but don’t do that. Writing and editing are two different beasts and require two different mindsets. Writing is a creative flow, while editing is a logical state. If you shift into a logical mindset, you’ll only further block your creativity. Though some writers can shift easily between writing and editing, I’ve no idea how they do it so I just recommend you avoid working like that.

4) Journal

If your block is a result of an exceptionally emotional bout, you can also try journaling. Find a notebook (and again, if you’re anything like me, you have plenty), open to a clean page, and write out your feelings. While this could also be an extension of freewriting that I outlined earlier, journaling can help you analyze your emotions and find a way to break through them. Not only can journaling reconnect you with your creative self, but it can reconnect you with your regular self.

Please be advised, however, that journaling shouldn’t be used as a replacement for professional help. If you feel like you may be seriously depressed, I’d highly recommend reaching out to someone. There are various free outlets to use to talk to a trained professional, such as and the SAMHSA National Helpline and 1-800-662-HELP.

5) Talk It Through

Maybe writing is the issue. Maybe your brain and your fingers had an argument and are giving each other the silent treatment. Maybe you have the ideas, but you’re just struggling to get them onto the page. If that’s the case, try speaking instead. Use a voice recorder on your phone or transcription software and a microphone for your computer and talk instead of writing. Writer’s block is sometimes just that, a block on writing. So, if you’re not writing, you shouldn’t be blocked.

6) Force It

Writing, just like anything else, is work, and sometimes the work has to get done even if you don’t want to do it. You never hear a warehouse worker talk about “Box-Lifting Block” and that they just need some time to themselves to get back in the flow. That’s because they know it’s work that has to get done, so they do it.

Forcing yourself to sit down at your desk for an hour to write without distraction or interruption is sometimes exactly what you need to overcome writer’s block. Sure, what you write may come out in bits and spurts, and not always be the best thing you’ve ever written, but that’s what the editing process is for. And if you’re only able to get 500 words written in that hour, it’s 500 words more than what you started with. It’s far too easy to just give in to writer’s block and go a week or longer without writing, but if you make a determined effort to write something even during a blocked state, you’ll feel more accomplished. Brick by brick isn’t the most efficient way to break down a wall, but it’s effective. If you’ve ever experienced writer’s block, then you know it’s only a temporary ailment. Something will always come along and ignite that creative spark and allow you to get your thoughts on the page. But do you always want to sit around and wait for that to happen? The next time you experience writer’s block (and I’m absolutely not wishing that on anyone), try using one of these methods to overcome it. They may just get you back on that horse that much sooner.

What’s Your Point (of View)?

By Tom Tiernan

The power of your story can be enhanced or destroyed by how you present it. This presentation is the Character’s Point of View. There are three major points Of view and a host of others that are not often used. Here’s a quick rundown of these three points of view and three minor ones.

1) First Person: This view uses “I” and “Me” in its narrative form. The character is actually telling the story. We only know what they have seen, and they have to be present in all of the critical scenes in the story.

Example: I didn’t kill Margaret, but the cops were still looking for me.

2) Omniscient Narrator: Here we have the exact opposite of First Person. With this point of view, we see and hear everything, both relevant and extraneous. The choice of what to include is yours. You can be as lengthy as Proust or as sparse as Hemingway.

Example: George knew full well who killed Margaret, but he wouldn’t tell the cops. Mrs. Gray would have known he talked, and she would have had him killed.

3) Limited Third Person: Your story is clean and unobstructed by fancy language. Readers get to steep themselves in the lives of the characters. The writing is natural and transparent, making it easy to read. This method is the most common style of writing for fiction.

Example: George could only watch as Spike and Cuddles entered Margaret’s house. Sitting behind the steering wheel, he got the shock of his life as he heard the shots ring out.

The right point of view is crucial

Furthermore, Limited Third Person can be divided into three distinct stages.

A) Limited Third Person, Light Penetration: We can observe only the actions from the viewpoint character when they are present. The narrator is neutral. 

Example: George waited patiently in his car for Officer Baransky to show up. The street, devoid of other vehicles, still made George nervous. The rear passenger door opened, and a dark figure slid into the seat. “Evening, George,” said the figure.

B) Limited Third Person, Deep Penetration: We experience things as if seeing them through the character’s eyes. Items are related as the character thinks they are happening. The character’s thoughts become ours.

Example: George was shocked that the voice was that of Ezra, Mrs. Gray’s first assistant.

“What are you doing here, George?” asked Ezra.

George calmed himself before answering. Despite his fear, he found his voice. “Had a fight with Naomi. I had to get some air.”

Ezra stared at him, even though George couldn’t see his eyes. “Hunh. Are you sure it wasn’t to talk to that cop I saw walkin’ this way a minute ago?”

C) Limited Third Person, Cinematic View: In this Point of View, we see things only as the characters see them. It’s like looking through a camera lens. The difference here is that we don’t get inside the character’s head. We only see and hear what they see and hear.

Example: As George waited for the bullet to come through the back seat and into his gut, the door opened. Two hands reached in and pulled the surprised Ezra out of the car. Someone took his place.

“How ya been, George,” said Baransky.

Take your pick of these points of view and have fun with them. Experiment with one you haven’t used before. 

Turn Off Your Ego, Improve Your Life And Your Writing

Does Your Ego Hurt Your Writing?

Have you ever been insulted?

Have you ever wanted to be praised for something you’ve done?

Have you ever felt horrible after a submitted story was rejected?

Have you ever been disturbed about what someone has said about you?

Have you ever gotten upset when someone cut you off in traffic?

Have you ever felt guilty about something you did or said?

If you have, then you have been a victim of your Ego. Your Ego is the source of most of life’s troubles. Life is problematic enough without having to be concerned or worried about what may happen or what has happened. Neither one of these things are in your best interest.

Let me explain. The Past has already occurred, so it’s beyond your ability to change. The Future is a nebulous miasma of possibilities that is also difficult to change. Only your choices can affect the Future, and you don’t have any idea what those choices should be. All you can do is make a choice and hope that it’s the best one for the situation at hand.

Enter the Ego. It can be short for Everything Goes Overboard. The Ego never lets you forget what you’ve done in the Past. It also makes you second guess your options for the Future.

As for writing, the Ego really goes to town here. When you have a story rejected, you feel bad. Some people take it poorly, getting mad at the publisher and everyone else around them. Writers crave good news about their stories, whether it’s from a publisher or their Mom.

These reactions are all tied to the Ego. The Ego is not your friend. While it tries to look out for you, it also does a horrible job with your feelings. Feelings are directly tied to the Ego. If you’ve ever felt hurt by what someone says about you, blame the Ego. I’ve got news for you. What someone thinks about you is none of your business. It’s just their opinion. It has no more weight than your shoe size, and yet an insult or a story rejection can ruin our week.

The good news? You are not your Ego, no matter how much the Ego thinks it is. The Ego is not a part of your Being. It is separate from your sacred self and interested only in defending itself. Ego helps protect us and preserve circumstances that are favorable for us. Without it, our physical form could be in danger. It can, all the same, be harmful when it takes over other aspects of our lives like our happiness. Keeping up with the Joneses is a perfect example of this.

To quote Dr. Wayne Dyer: The Ego-idea has been with us ever since we began to think. It sends us false messages about our true nature. It leads us to make assumptions about what will make us happy and we end up frustrated. It pushes us to promote our self-importance while we yearn for a deeper and richer life experience. It causes us to fall into the void of self-absorption, again and again, not knowing that we need only shed the false idea of who we are.

How would switching off your Ego improve your writing? For one thing, you wouldn’t feel so much sting out of every rejection. In fact, the very act of not being hurt by rejections over time is an indication that you’ve put your Ego aside for this one process. Eventually, you will not let your Ego self-edit you as you write. That kills a lot of stories in mid-creation.

Just write like spelling and grammar and logic don’t exist. You can clean up the mess later. Right now, just write the story that comes into your head. Let your Ego look at it, but ignore whatever it says to you. This is your story, not your Ego’s. Ego didn’t write it, so it has no right to criticize it.

How to Write When You Have Bipolar Disorder?

With moods of happiness and anger and other mood swings associated with bipolar disorder, writing can be difficult. This is because people with bipolar disorder can act on impulse. Things like this can be intimidating, disorienting. Such as writing something without thinking that is threatening. This can alert the local authorities to knock at your door under the suspicion that you or someone else may be in danger, which leads you to more trouble just because of your writing. 
Photo by Anh Nguyen on Unsplash

So after spending time in the hospital or in jail (depending on the severity of your words), how do you make a comeback and gain confidence in writing again? How do you know what is okay to write and what is not? You know you were manic and you feel bad that you wrote such a thing and now you are afraid to write again and show it to the public. What do you do when you may have lost your job over something you might have said in a blog or article? 

First, don’t panic; it’s not the end of the world. You may need to start journaling more for yourself and not to posting your thoughts if you are angry. You might regret what you once wrote and think you’ll never write again, but this is a phase. This is why you may need to journal and not put everything out there to the public. If anything, it could save you from further damage along the way. Journaling is a good thing, especially if you are ready to go hysterical and threaten someone. Some things are best left unsaid. 
Then you are going to need to ask yourself: would I say this in public or would someone want to hear it? Also, will someone find what you wrote offensive? 
These are questions you want to ask yourself. The initial impulse may seem good at the time, but as I said, it may backfire. It is best to use discretion. Another thing: when you are writing, it’s best to ask your friends for help. Not everything is perfect and will often need editing. You may come across in a certain way in your writing that could leave a negative impression. An editor will help you polish things up and keep you from offending anyone. Especially a demographic that may be isolated. An editor can turn you from a hysteric psychopath into a sincere writer with strong concerns, as well as showing you some mistakes and save you from public embarrassment! And an editor can counsel you or help spot something when your writing takes a manic turn. 
Having bipolar disorder may not be working in your favor if you are a writer. I have bipolar disorder, and I am a writer. I have made one too many mistakes and gotten in trouble with my writing. Even if you don’t have bipolar disorder, it’s a good idea to monitor yourself before hitting Publish on your posts. Some people have lost their jobs, gone to the hospital, or even went to jail with something written in a blog or an email. 
Use techniques such as journaling and seek the advice of an editor. They will help you out. It is better to prevent mistakes before they happen. And if you do make a mistake, don’t worry about it. It is not the end of the world. You will gain your confidence back. And the next question to ask is how to get your confidence back again especially when it has taken a hit in social media. If you are a writer this next blog will help you prepare if your self-esteem has sunk after an unfavorable post. How do you build your esteem up again?

How to Write and Comeback from a Breakup in a Relationship?

You’re in a relationship and your significant other has left you. Man or woman, the breakup is not easy on you. You don’t feel happy and are down in the dumps. How do you build your confidence up especially when you feel like a failure that it didn’t succeed. Also, if you were living with the other person, then you may be thinking of looking for another home or an apartment. However, most importantly you can’t concentrate on your writing. So how can you get your confidence in writing again?

First, you are going to have to take time to heal with the ending of the relationship. Getting out of the relationship is not easy. There is always damage whether it is your mental state or your physical state. Your body and mind need healing. You don’t recover right away especially when you are angry or feeling down at the time, it is not the best time to write because you may say the wrong thing and may get yourself in more hot water as it is. Sometimes it is best to journal if you are coming out of a relationship. 

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Journaling could be useful in a time like this. Sometimes you may do a blog out of anger and it may backfire and you will be in more heat then before. The world doesn’t need to know you are in pain. You may think it is good, but some things are best not said especially if you may be out to hurt the other person. However, this would be a good time to channel it constructively, maybe in the story you are writing. As long as you change the names, location, and profession, you may be able to write about a person like that. It is just that you don’t want to use real names or identifying characteristics. This may hurt their identity or get you into hot water. 

Also, you may need to have some activity to keep you busy during this time of stress. You may have more time on your hands than anticipated. And you may have loneliness settle in. Do something to pick yourself up and watch comedies. This will help you to feel better or if you want to stay in the mood, then write yourself out of it to build up your confidence. 

There is no easy way to recover out of a relationship, the damage will have been done. So it is best to recover and start turning your focus into writing again. Build your confidence up little by little. Maybe you can’t concentrate in the beginning and you are angry. Instead of blogging it and airing it out to the world, write it in a journal and get it out. 

I should have taken this advice as a writer years ago when I was going through my fallout from a relationship. I aired my dirty laundry for everyone to see and damaged my reputation. Doing that and especially when it is in public, it hurts. So use common sense and don’t act out, act rationally when you are coming out of a relationship. Journal and then come up with a creative story. And if you are blogging, then blog while consciously thinking of what you are writing about and not just a reaction coming out of your relationship. 

And if you are getting out of a relationship and you have no one, it will get better. Maybe it is a good time to reevaluate many things such as what you want to do with your life, or maybe it can be a lesser “grand epiphany” such as dusting that old story off that has been sitting on the shelf and needs to be brought back to life again. So it can be a blessing in disguise. Don’t get hung up on him or her. Write that next project and see where it will take you. You will be surprised on the journey your writing will take you on.

Finding the Time to Write in a Tough Relationship

Relationships aren’t perfect. There is not one day in a relationship where you can say that I just want to go to a Starbucks or a coffee shop and write. If you’re in a relationship and you are a writer, you want that alone time to write, and go somewhere where you can concentrate. It doesn’t work that way. You will have your significant other complain, saying he/she wants to go out with you. Sometimes it’s because they don’t trust you and want to keep an eye on you. Being the attentive partner you are, you give in and next thing you know you’re waiting in line one hour getting his or her lattes. Half of the time the drink isn’t right and you will have to spend another hour trying to fix it. Finally, you sit down fuming. Do you have the concentration to write?  Meanwhile your loving partner is saying underneath his/her breath, “Sucker.” They just spent one hour of their time working on what they wanted to do while you were the idiot getting the drinks for the hour or more. Now let me ask you when you are fuming where does this give you time to work and write. 

Photo by Justin Follis on Unsplash

Whether you are a man or a woman and you want to write and you are meeting with your significant other you think in your mind, you don’t want to hang out with your bae; you want to write, but they insist on coming out anyway. And all they do is talk all the time. You get annoyed so you send them for runs to get drinks as often as you can, but you can’t concentrate anyway. You are annoyed that this person whom embodies all your love and inspiration just talks all the time, and you aren’t getting any work done. With these problems, how do people in a relationship write? How do you set boundaries?

Now you are a writer trying to get a project finished, how do you concentrate in that relationship situation? I’m not even going to mention if you have a job and you are raising kids in a relationship.  Where does that time go to write?

I once read somewhere that you can spend one hour writing a day. Rather it is thirty minutes on your lunch break and thirty minutes in the morning. You can find time to write to be fulfilled. Maybe spending time with your significant other should be a time to spend with your significant other to do fun stuff rather than work on writing. Maybe you can read in that time you are out. As for the guy or a girl, if you know that you can’t concentrate out, don’t attempt to put pressure on yourself and write. Writing should be when you enjoy the process, it shouldn’t be where you are rushed with your time. 

Maybe a strategy should be changed, maybe you can stay home and write. Maybe you can’t concentrate, but if you set boundaries and say this is my time I need to write. Maybe you need to write earlier as I said or somewhere private in the house and even the kitchen is a good place, it has coffee there. Any time you can get to write would be good. And it is best to do this without your significant other being there, and if she or he is there, then you can plan for what you want to work on. Just prepare that you may not accomplish everything that you want to accomplish. 

Relationships can be a struggle, but not writing when you are a writer, it can be more of a struggle. And if you can add the two together, it can be stressful. So it takes strategy and planning and coming up with goals in order to write. And most important setting a strategy where you can write, maybe finding a space in your home or maybe writing early in the day or on lunch. And it can be easy without having a laptop on you, maybe you have a smart phone and you have an app where you can write. And maybe it takes twenty minutes in The Thinking Room to write, and maybe sitting on the Porcelain Throne can help you to write that masterpiece that you wanted. Just be prepared for your significant other to be worried what is taking you so long. Also, at least an hour a day of writing can help to get you into a routine. These are some loopholes you can use to help you write in a relationship while you are struggling. If you are a guy my advice is not to send her on line for an hour to get your drink to write, chances are you will get the drink, but you will have more time to write after because she may leave you afterwards. So be smart and use the techniques wisely. Just stay focused and don’t get discouraged, you will be able to write when you are in a relationship.